Day 17 .:: Forgiveness ::.

This is one of my favorite topics of personal reflection. Why is it difficult for most people to forgive? Why should we forgive? How does forgiveness form important aspect of physical and mental health? More importantly what is forgiveness? Is here a right time to forgive?

Many enlightened souls have given their share of soul in trying to explain meaning of forgiveness to humanity. The framework of every master is true, from their personal perspective. To understand forgiveness we must understand some basics of personality. Every individual or soul has a core personality of "Love and Survival." The feeling of Love keeps us connected and Survival Instinct keeps us expanding, evolving and alive. The survival instinct is not just for body; it can also be for mind or ideology.

We all have projected an image of ourselves for the world, some people call it mask, some people call it ego. When the survival of that image is threatened we feel threatened.

Eg: I am Dr.A; I have 1000s of readers and clients; I have successful practice with 60-100 outpatients; I have been to almost every state in India; I can speak a number of languages. These are my personal egotistical images. My ego gets hurt when someone tells me, "Today

you did NOT see any clients," or "You cannot give public speech in Malayalam," or "You did

NOT go to LakshaDweep. It is in India".

When the challenger does it on a public forum I get more upset and it gets harder to forgive. My ego is hurt because I did NOT have a decent comeback.

Another area of inability to forgive is when sensitive topic of Sexual Abuse is involved. The trauma of violation is so deep that our minds keep recalling the events and our helplessness in the situation. The forgiveness would be easier if we could have defended or protected ourselves, or we manage to hurt the perpetrator. Forgiveness seem impossible when the perpetrator walks free and we carry the burden of damaged or violated image. One of the ways to heal of this trauma is to acknowledge our helplessness. It is unfortunate, but truth is stronger  or bigger perpetrator made us victim at that given point of time. Once helplessness is acknowledged; ignorance and immaturity of the perpetrator can be used for our benefit to forgive.

Another common phrase I come across is "I CAN forgive that person for what happened to me, but NOT for what happened to my family." Loss of wealth, loss of relationship or loss of social image are often associated in this kind of situation. It is hard for us to accept our role in as perpetrator too in these events. We are partially responsible for the events of concern and we need to forgive ourselves here. We blame the other party but refuse to acknowledge our role. Once we truly forgive ourselves it becomes easy to see other person as victim of situation. Certain times, we have become victim of our own vices. Our indecisive nature has consequences which we end up blaming others about. Taking responsibility is liberating in these situations.

There are numerous other situations but I have chosen the worst archetypes for discussion. The question now arises regarding the necessity of forgiveness.

Forgiveness help us release ourselves from the sufferings of anger, hatred, resentment, guilt and helplessness.

It is our freedom that we achieve when we forgive. People talk of "Forgive and Forget." According to me, "Forgive but never, ever forget." Forgetting is like trying to erase the memory of the event which has occurred. Events happen in our life for a reason. Humans engage in certain actions for self preservation or as uncontrolled desires. These actions often hurt others, and is called “evil” or “bad” or “unforgivable.” Forgetting such event means we are not capable of acknowledging self-preservation or desires. Every human has potential to act in this manner and it must never be forgotten. Forgiveness is much easier than forgetting, since we all are guided by survival instinct, we at some point have been selfish. It is easier to provide benefit of doubt, acknowledge other person's actions as that of self-preservation and release our anger. This attitude of "forgive but never forget" helps us to be aware of a potential threat, and yet be trusting toward humankind.

Forgiveness helps us release lot of emotional stress and sleep well. It lightens our life and makes us happier. We are more optimistic toward body, mind and relationships when we forgive. There is no RIGHT time to forgive, sooner we do, sooner we are free. Once we have logically understood these facts, it is often easier to forgive.

Every experience or event comes with lessons of human potential. Understanding ourselves and understanding humankind is a deep underlying message which we must derive from life experience. This message or reflection of events help us to lead fulfilled life, and achieve freedom. Make a list of life lessons you received about self and humankind, with respect to the event or person who can't be forgiven, before engaging in the Forgiveness exercise mentioned below.

Happy Forgiving. I have included a script to guided meditation or visualization for Forgiveness. Connect with us for podcasts.

Visualise the person you would like to forgive. It could be a friend, an acquaintance, family or

even yourself.

Imagine that you are looking deep into that person's eyes. Feel yourself saying wholeheartedly "I totally and completely forgive you for everything that has happened".

Remember when someone hurts us, they believe, we deserve it. 

We can reconcile this by saying, "Please forgive me if I have hurt you knowingly or unknowingly."

It is essential that we feel the sense of asking for forgiveness or forgiving person involved and not engage in this superficially. Love is the external energetic force that can neutralize any guilt, hate or anger.

Imagine looking deep into that person's eyes as you repeat "I love the divine soul that you truly   are." The hurtful experience changes our life forever; these experiences however provides lessons to avoid similar events and be prepared.

Imagine embracing the perpetrator and saying, "Thank you for giving me this life experience."

Keep repeating this process until you feel you have forgiven and feel the Freedom.

Forgiveness is true ticket to freedom from all attachments. Forgiveness is Moksha or liberation without any baggage.

Stay blessed.

Dr.A